Isn’t it frustrating when people try to fit you in a box?I hate it when people would tell me what to feel in a certain moment or would tell me how to act on something. There are times I would admit that I’m a cold person but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything, its just I’d rather not linger on it and would choose to dwell on something good. I’ve learned that jealousy, insecurity, anger and uncertainty will swallow you whole – the goodness, sunshine and positivity in yourself. That’s why I told myself - I wouldn’t do that anymore. I’m not saying I don’t feel that, I do and it wakes me up at night, or hit me in the day but I get through it because I remember there are a thousand reasons to be happy about.
No one has the right to tell you, “oh, you should feel sad about this or how come you don’t feel jealous” Because? Why? Why are you asking me to feel something negative when it took me this long – to be happy and contented. Maybe that’s how other people are, not me. Don’t compare me. I’m not other people and I’m not going to let you compare me. Not again. Not anymore. When you love, you give the power to someone to hurt you. That’s how it is, right? And that’s fucking scary. When you’ve been okay for so long then suddenly, someone could hurt you again. You build walls so high and strong just to allow yourself be hurt again. Yet people choose to love. Ironic. And sometimes, I wish love was easy. I wish that loving someone would not make you lose yourself in the process. Or make you question if love was measured or validated. Or sometimes, maybe I wish I could be enough. I thought I was until… But I guess not. Keep trying M. Ps. Is there a Girlfriend for dummies? I might need it. (haha jk but yeah maybe)
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She wonders and wandersMonica writes about her life, what she eats, what she reads and where she goes. This space is where her thoughts, experiences, memories and feelings turn into words. She's glad that she can share with you. Archives
August 2021
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